Diary of a Life with Chronic Pain v2.01

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December 25, 2005

Happy Christmas Everyone!

Its Christmas Day! Yayyyyy. I hope you've all had a fabulous Christmas so far. In Oz its very nearly over. In America, its just about to start. In Britain, the lunch is cooking, the presents are opened, the receipts are swapped, and a certain little fuzzybutted dog has gotten ever so excited over her presents from Santa Paws - as always.

Theres some photos and digital Camera video footage of Lucy and her Christmas morning.And you can find them here where you can have A very Lucy Christmas too. :)

Santa was kind to me. I got some sweaters, and new jeans, which I needed urgently. Got a pen set too. From friends I got a film, a rather funky soft slinky cushion which will be great for my neck, a new phone, signed photo of Kevin Spacey (cool!).

Anyways I will have to love you n leave you. Have to go back to da family.

Hope you are all having a terrific christmas - or if reading this after christmas, I hope you had a great Christmas!

Jason.
Pain: From too much food......
Depression: Have eaten too much to begin to feel sorry for myself.

Posted by Jason at 11:28 AM | Comments (1)

December 23, 2005

A test for you all....

Have a click on the image above. Read the text. Its from a well known auction website thats name starts with an E and ends with a Bay. Read it carefully and leave a comment telling me what you think you are buying when youve read it.

This item sold for over $1000 by the way. The current market value of the item in the USA is around $400 but stock shortages mean ppl are buying them online instead to make sure they have one under the tree for the kids at Christmas.

Happy Reading.

Jason.

Posted by Jason at 01:05 PM | Comments (2)

December 22, 2005

Doh

Dont you just hate it when you write out a really long piece, and then the computer crashes and you lose everything you've written... well, guess whats happened to me today. .... yup, i'd written out a really long blog entry, and the computer DIDNT crash, instead in a pain-fuelled haze, I previewed the blog instead of posting it, and my brain said "ok its been posted now", so I closed the browser. That was at lunchtime, Ive only just realised what Ive done now and its 6pm... DOH!

Anyways, its Christmas time and so I have a wee present for ya-all. A new piccie. Although it's slightly controversial this one. Its one Ive never wanted to put online in fear it generated stalkers, but what the hell, Christmas is Christmas, and so here is the picture.

I feel lousy at the moment, Ive got a cold and macca sore throat just in time for spoiling Christmas. *sigh*. Ive been on the bed all this afternoon since I finished my first blog entry which of course turned out to be wasted energy. The pain has been flaring too as I had to go into town this morning to finish all our Christmas shopping off, but its finally finished, I can now say with a self-assured smugness to everyone who asks that "Yes, I AM ready for Christmas!!!! Yayyyy" - in a commercial sense anyways, I still dont think Im personally ready for it yet this year, but its coming whether Im a ready or not, so gotta make the best of it.

To be honest, I'll just be glad when this year is over. This cold and throatie is just the icing on top of stinking mouldy cake that has been 2005 thus far. Roll on 2006 and lets hope everything gets better from then on in.

Got mega depressed this morning - I realised it was 16 years since I left school. I couldve cried. 16 years and I am NO WHERE! Im as far on now with my life as I was then when I was 16. Actually I was further on then because I was going to go to college and had plans to try n get to Uni to do a degree, and I dont even have any plans for tomorrow at the moment let alone the next four years. Tis all very depressing.

My original post was much more jovial than this one. Damn. I guess that that goes to show just how variable my mood can be, one minute Im ok and cracking jokes, the next im down in the dumps and cheesed off. But I guess a lot of us are like that these days arent we.

Anyways Im going to go. Time to get some painkillers and drink. This will probably be my last major post before Xmas so if I dont see you all before I just want to take this opportunity to wish you all a very Merry Christmas, and a Happy, Healthy, and better-for-all New Year. Whatever you end up doing over this festive period, enjoy it, be good, and drink responsibly. In other words, dont stop til you cant walk or else its a waste of good booze.

Love n hugs to all ladies
and
Handshakes, manly backslaps and hearty festive guffaws for the gentlemen.

Merry Christmas Everyone! :o)

Jason
Pain 3/10 --> 5/10
Depression: 5/10

Posted by Jason at 06:00 PM | Comments (3)

December 17, 2005

Such a cute "wee" dog

Poor ol' Lucy. About an hour after my post last night we realised that our little furball was bleeding from her wee-wee section. So dainty arent I lol. Anyways, seein as she peed on my about 3 days pervious and has been wanting to go to the toilet about ten times more than normal lately it seemed to me that she has cystcitus.

Sooooo, I got up this morning, got a vets appointment, took her down and sure enough, it is cystsitus as far as they can tell without a sample. Trying to get a pee sample out of Lucy is like trying to get blood from an indestructible stone.

Anyways, two injections, 10 tablets, an invoice, a "howwwww much???" and £40 later, shes now back home and hopefully on the mend while my folks and I cower in a heap in the corner from the shock of how much it costs to visit the vet these days.

BUT shes worth every penny of it! Lucy that is. Not the vet. Although she was rather cute today the vet, and could check out my heart rate with her stethescope any day. Just so long as she doesnt pull on the rubber gloves wanting to check rear entrances and stuff as vets often have a habit of doing to their patients....

Also, since my last entry Ive been chosen by a software company to beta test their latest upcoming MMORPG title. (Massively Multiplayer Online Role Playing Game). Its the same type of game genre as World of Warcraft and Star Wars Galaxies etc. This new game is called Auto Assualt. www.autoassault.com. Will it be any good? Who knows. Im currently downloading the 2GB client file as I type. But the my job as a beta tester is not to say if its good or not. I just have to play it, and try to break it. And make reports when it does break. Should be fun. Ive always wanted to beta test games before, and this is my big chance. Woohoooo. Shame theres no wage, but im sure the company would be saying, gettin free access to a subscription based game for 6 months or so before it is officially released to the public is such a thrill and an honour that a wage is not necessary.

I say, "Ive just been made forty quid poorer so how about screwing the honour and the thrill side of things and giving me a wage for breaking your game instead!!!" :D

John Spencer who plays Leo McGarry in The West Wing died yesterday from a heart attack, aged only 58. That is such very sad news. He was a great actor, and seemed such a fun guy in the various interviews Id seen him in on TV. I hope hes up there on the big stage in the sky with a starring lead role, showing everyone what we're missing since he passed on.

And so, the remainder of this blog entry will be blank space. In a way it is my silent one minute tribute to one of my favourite Actors who I will miss seeing on my TV.

Posted by Jason at 01:01 PM | Comments (2)

December 07, 2005

2 1/2 weeks til Christmas.

"2 1/2" Its not a very big number. In fact, technically its not even a whole number. But its a number that has instilled utter fear into my today. Why? Cos Ive just been told its 2 1/2 weeks to Christmas and Ive barely gotten any presents or any other plans mapped out in my mind, let alone bought or actioned.

Is it just me, or is everyone gettin harder to buy presents for these days. Its especially hard when ive just had my folks wedding anniversary and my Dad's birthday all within about 6 weeks, soooooo all the ideas I struggled to come to then have been used up. And now, im utterly idealess. My dad esp is hard to buy for. Im going to have to delve to new depths of Christmas Kitch-ness I think. Multi coloured socks and aftershave anyone? :)

I have sort of received my Christmas presents already this year so on the receiving side its going to be a skimpy day. However, I am being 100% genuine when i say I much prefer giving presents to receiving them. I say this because when I get a present I get embarrassed and dont know what to say, esp if its been quite costly or a total surprise. So I'll be like "oh, thank youiuuuuu!!! awww! Its..... a ........ yeah, thank you!" and then it sounds totally insincere and like Im totally underwhelmed. OR alternatively I'll be saying thank you over and over and over to the point where im told to shut up already. So, so embarrassing. I must rather prefer giving and watching peoples reactions, esp if its something rare or different that I just know they will love and wont have already got. ive got one present like that this year, but sadly I wont be able to see it opened but I might get a phone call later on about it. Maybe. :)

You never know though, Santa might pay me a visit. Ive been very good lately. Well, today I was good anyways. Done my good deed for the millenia. I found an OAP's bus pass and pass-wallet on the pavement in town this morning, and - once Id finished laffing my face off at the photo - I decided I had better return it. i couldnt see the pictured face anywhere, so I brought it home, did a postcode search on the net, found her address and promptly sent off a ransom demand that she pays me a million quid or the photo gets published.

Nooooo! I didnt do that! I researched the address then posted it back to her with a covering note. See, arent I very good? Take note please santa! OR better yet, Your Highness, HRH Queenie, if you are reading, a New Years OBE honour or knighthood for services to online blogging would be very highly appreciated. I might even be able to say thank you for it and not look like an insincere muppet when I picked it up!

Posted by Jason at 01:37 PM | Comments (4)

December 04, 2005

Want a Journal?

Do you want a free journal? Of course you do! Dont you?

Well, as part of the pain site's support services, registered users have access to their very own journal feature! They can use it to monitor pain scores, or use it to just blab about daily life, or to vent about their frustrations at anything and everything... basically exactly what I do! lol. Or it can be used in any way you can think of to use it.

Registration is easy, and best of all FREE! It takes only a minute, and once logged into the site you can start your own journal.

You can also read other peoples journals - including copies of my journal here which I am posting there to get the ball rolling and to show how it can be used.

So, if you too want to have a go at getting your life, feelings and thoughts down in words, dont pay for a service that you can free on http://www.chronicpainsupport.info/ !

The direct link to the journals directory area is:
http://www.chronicpainsupport.info/modules.php?name=Content&pa=showpage&pid=14

On top of this you DO NOT need to register to read other peoples journals once they are started. You need only register to start your own! Of course though, there are other benefits to registration such as being able to comment on peoples reviews and news stories, or join in with the message board discussion and so on.

See you there!

PS You can even make your journal entries totally PRIVATE!!!! A service which the other journal sites charge you an arm and a leg for! But its all part of the *sough* service at "living with Chronic Pain". :P

Posted by Jason at 12:02 PM | Comments (0)

Why does Santa have such a big garden?

Cos he loves to "Ho, ho, ho!"

Sorry about that. Im trying to get into the festive spirit seein as were on the downhill run to Xmas. It aint working... but can u blame it with lame-o jokes like that? :)

So, here we are Dec 4th. The Pain site is now live and gettin hits - still no Search engine placements yet, but its a bit too soon for that when ive not got the $200 to fast submit it with the 48 hour service most of the things seem to want you to use these days. But Im in no rush.

Spamming the site on the painusenet groups seems to be working, as too is the adverts that other people have kindly placed on their various relevent message boards and groups etc.

The problems with the ostomy site came to a head about 2 weeks ago - hence no posting on here for a while.

At its worst I disabled the entire site with the exception of the message board and chat rooms seeing as people have friends there and need those services to continue seeing them or to at least tell them email addys etc.

After a weekend of thought and umpteen "eh????" emails, I decided that rather than make the sites info unavailable when so many people do genuinely seem to find it useful I have instead stepped back from the ostomy community to focus instead on the pain site and gettin that grown and established which is a big job and will take a long time - we're talkin at leasta a year i should think, maybe even two.

Ive not been in the chat room since this decision. But I have been in the pain chat room instead most of this time health permitting. Anyone and everyone is welcome in the pain room regardless of if you think you are a pain-ee or not. Its the same server as the ostomyland chat room, so you can either use the java chat on the pain site page to access it, or if using the ostomy java or ostomy mirc you can just type /join #chronicpain and it will take you to us.

http://www.chronicpainsupport.info/

With the message board, I still read it as much as before but I only reply to messages that havent had answers, or make posts about important ostomy issues (such as the Pelican Letter issue that was raised this week) or to make important announcements about any of the sites.

Speaking of chat, the first weekly pain chat was last night. How did it do? I dont know. Im ashamed to say I wasnt there. I had a horrendous headache and so had to hide in a dark room all night. I am so upset to have missed the first chat. But thank you to leeann and kathy who both idled in there during the meet and welcomed the new chatters and old chatters alike. It seems like we had maybe 5 or 6 ppl thru the doors, which for a first meet was pretty good. The first ostomy meet has... one. :) So, its an encouraging start.

The new Xbox 360 games console arrived in the UK on Friday and thankfully I was one of the ones lucky enough to get one. Lucky or unlucky is a matter of opinion I guess. But im my eyes, im lucky lol. The stock is so short that unopened xbox 360s are fetching a grand on Ebay. They retail at £280 new! So thats a big mark up.

Im very impressed by the games graphics wuality and the gameplay of the actual games Ive been able to play. Ive only actually tried two of the six games I got with it though cos Ive just not been able to spend the time on the screen, im still limiting my time on it. However, I know it works so thats all that matters, I can keep dipping into it as and when it happens.

Not been able to take it online yet though. My Router is dead. *sobs*. So im on the net today via my trusty dial up modem Alcatel Speed touch USB. Old faithful. Nearly 5 years old and still going string, even with the cream paint splashes on it. :D

Belkin have said they are going to send me a freebie replacement power adaptor for it within 2 - 3 business days, so hopefully tomorrow morning it will arrive. Its the first time Ive had use the Belkin Lifetime warranty claim on any of their products, but I cannot fault their service so far - but I am glad that the phone call was free as I was sent from Italy to American and back to Italy all in one phone call. Or mayb eit was Spain instead of italy, I couldnt quite make out the accent!

Lucy has had a fur-cut today. Shes lookin like a skinned cat again now. hehehe. Bless her.

Healthwise, things are just the same here. Ive been gettin excessive headahces lately though so Im off for an eye test soon. Pain wise things are the same. Theres been some v. bad breakthru sessions this last couple of weeks, and indeed when the ostomy site blew up I was in the middle of a bad session pain wise then which had been going on for nearly 72 hours at that point, which is probably why i reacted the way I did. That said though I do not regret the decision to step down from the problem side of the ostomy site although i do miss talking to some folks as regularly as I did.

Fits: Ive had a couple of major body jerk sessions this last week or so which is why im limitimg my time online and on the xbox at the moment. I wonder if these headaches have anything to do with that? Who knows. I see the nerurologist in APRIL, so I might find out then. :/

Bowel wise: still bleeding sporadically. So not worried about that. Its aching but nothing else.

Dad is not so good at the moment, is v. tired cos we've been waiting hand and foot on mum who's been very ill and been ordered to bed by the doc for a week. She only got out of bed yesterday and I think she needs to go back, she looks so sick. Shes had a major do of gastric flu on top of a nasty sinus problem when they got inflamed from chemical burns casued by the neighbours painting their kitchen floor with industrial floor paint then buggering off for a week instead of leaving the doors and windows open as long as possible. And if they lived there of course it would have been ventilated every day but instead it got locked in the house and seeped thru into ours. The place stunk to high heaven and made even me feel light headed and im doped up to the nines anyways! Sheesh. lol.

Anyways shes back on the mend now thankfully. I dont like to see my folks ill. It reminds me that they are not immune to these things or invulnerable and that they really wont be here for ever. I realise that that is very melodramatic of me, but it is something I worry about a lot as I depend on them so much Id be utterly lost without them. Obviously though that is NOT the only reason I worry so. They mead a great deal to me, period.

Well I can smell the lunch cooking so I guess I had better get a move on.

Take care everyone. Buh bye now!

Jason.
Pain: 4/10 now (7/10 peak during last two weeks).
Depression: 5/10 now (7/10 peak during last two weeks)

Posted by Jason at 11:33 AM | Comments (0)