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June 29, 2006
More pros and cons
Yes its another one of those entries. You know the deal by now. Dont read this.
Its been another one of those days - well last few days actually - where im questioning just why Im here. Im low enough again to be doing an updated pros and cons list. It seems a lot shorter this time, I guess Im just more focussed now and not scraping the bottom of the barrel to think of a stuff like I was before. This time its 10-4 for the pro's.
The fact of the matter is that I am just so tired and physicallt exhausted from the continuous pain that I have nothing else to give it, physically, mentually, or whatever. Its taking all my energy to write this today. For some reason when my depression gets really bad my mind just stops working and I cant think of anything to do, or think anything through, and I end up just laying there in a sort of daze. Its like that today.
The breakthrough pain came back with a vengeance last night. About what... 9pm ish I think it was it started. At 9am this morning I was still in pain. I was getting no more than 30 minute sessions of relief between them. And that was after I'd taken my drugs. It did help lengthen the periods between attacks, but not by much really. It certainly didnt stop it dead in it's tracks.
Ive been asked to beta test another MMORPG game. I cannot say which game it is as theres a NDC in place. I downloaded the beta test code yesterday. Sadly though, theres some major performance issues and I cant really play it yet, the game needs more development to fix the frame rate issues before I can really do the game jusitice. It looks good, but its so stuttery I cant play accurately so keep dying all the time. Frustrating, but it looks cool otherwise.
I've started to write again. I must be desperate. Am writing a story about an internet stalker. They say write what u know about.... not that I know about stalking people, but I do know the net.
Im sorry I cant think of anything else to write. Think I might call it a day, and its only 6pm. Nothing to stay up for. Nowt on telly.
*sigh*
Goodbye.
Jason
Pain: 7/10
Depression: 10/10
Posted by Jason at June 29, 2006 05:32 PM