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June 25, 2006
Cant think of a title
Just thought I'd make a quick post. Depression is still bad. I know I put it as 10/10 last time, but if anything it is worse today than then, but for reasons I dont wish to discuss on here its just been a really shitty day. Am glad its nearly over.
Tomorrow I have the dentist. Got to have a filling. Cant wait. Not. I am terrified of dentists. Ive postponed the appt once because I was too scared to go and have the filling. Pathetic isnt it.
The pain has been behaving itself to a degree. Theres been a couple of bad breakthrough sessions this last 36 hours or so, but the trouble is that when I am as depressed as I am now then I cannot even cope with the daily achey thump pain that is there all day every day. Every thump just makes me cringe more and more, and then it makes me want to cry because it wont stopped, and each thump seems to drive deeper and deeper into me until I am practically screaming for it to stop. Its horrible.
And now there is a blockage problem too with the stoma. Gas is still coming out, but Ive not passed anything in three days, and I can feel a wad of stuff stuck behind that stupid u-bend in my bowel. I've started to melt the obstruction away with some glycerin suppositories but its taking a long time and im feeling so bloated with it.
Ugh.
England won their World Cup match tonight. Bugger. Was hoping they'd lose so they'd come home and something else could be talked about on the telly. Its nothing but football football football now. And tomorrow sees the start of Wimbledon, so then it will be football tennis football tennis football tennis for the next two weeks. Woooopie doo.
Sorry I shouldnt be so saracstic. Just the way I am today. Ive not had naymore thoughts on suicide. Its at the back of mind but nothing new springs to mind. I am so desperately unhappy in this shitty world, but I know that it could also be so much worse, and so its hard to think of thoughts like that when that realisation is also at the back of my mind.
Anyways I am going to go to bed. Nothing to do. Its 8pm and the folks are already in bed watching telly. No one to talk to online, everyone is offline so I think i shall call it a night too. Get myself in bed with tartan zip up booties, hot water bottle, heated under blanket and not forgettting to put my teeth in a glass of water. Yeah, I feel old.
Bye for now.
Jason
Pain: 6/10
Depression: 11/10
Posted by Jason at June 25, 2006 07:52 PM
Readers Thoughts
Hey, me too on the old blockage problem.....it's Day 5 for me and heaven help me when i finally 'go'...lol (will be in tons of pain)! I keep forgetting to buy the Laxoberal.......figure i'm going to keep taking that cos anything is better than the glycerin supp...yuck! I nearly freaked out when my stoma nurse shoved that down Stella when i was in hospital last year!
Hope you 'go' soon Jason.
Denise x
Posted by: Denise at June 26, 2006 12:35 PM