Diary of a Life with Chronic Pain v2.01

It's fathers day here tomorrow. I think it is in the states too, and Canada. Im looking forward to it. Ive bought my Dad a Digital radio as he isnt a fan of tv, esp now he finds it difficult to watch with his eyes etc, so Im hoping that he will be finding more enjoyment in radio. Also got him a load of sentimental old novelties - aww. To be honest, I put my folks through a lot. My friends included. Not intentionally. But anyone who genuinely likes can not help but be affected by seeing me in pain, and this is especially true of my folks who see it day in and day out. I am a tactile person, but I do not live in a tactile family, so I rarely get to express just how much my folks mean to me, how much I love them, and appreciate what they have done for me, and given up for me. I intend to make sure they know that from now on, every oppotunity I get. Same for my close friends.

What else has been going on this week? Well, to be honest, not a lot. Im running out of things to say.

Oh yeah. I should actually clarify one thing. About the last post I made. My bestest real world friend Emma asked me what I meant by being scared of being alone for the rest of my life once my folks are gone, when I will have my friends for many years after that.

Now, that is a good point, and I do understand that, but I guess when I say "alone" I mean not only family-wise, or co-habitually speaking, but more so in my heart. That is what would truly kill me. Or to put it another way, if i died either not in a supposed long-term/presumed-rest-of-life relationship, or unmarried, then I would consider my life to be the ultimate failure. That meaning, that the true me was never complete, as I would know that I was never truly happy in it be it physically, emotionally or spiritually. I am always happiest with someone close. Just the way I am. Thats not quite what Im trying to say. Im finding it difficult to put in to words, but thats the basic jist of it. And thats why I was saying that it doesnt mean I'd jump in with the first slapper to look at me, it would still have to be someone I connected with and so on. Although I feel desperately lonely, it doesnt mean id be driven to acts of desperation to counter it.

Can u tell my depression is bad tonight? Im waffling again arent I? Thats always a sign that im depressed. Some ppl shut up and say nothing. And I do do that in REAL LIFE situations when depressed, but when on IRC or boards or journals etc I get this overwhelming urge to waffle, as if the readers themselves can pick up on the huge gaps Im having between paragraphs where im thinking of what to say. Heh. Sad, isnt it. Oi, yer not meant to agree!

*sulks now*

No, dont u come lookin down here for more waffle... im still sulking!

*still sulks*

OK, enough sulking. Im making myself look even sadder.

I used to have a saying: "Always leave 'em laffing". I "used to" as its rare I use it now, and so in the spirit of that I am going to leave you all with a couple of email funnies that I've been sent this week, which have made me laugh - a very hard thing to achieve considering the week I've had, what with the pain clinic and all!

So, first up, a funny little animated movie, detailing the history of the Schitt family. (Thank you to my great pal kathy for forwarding this to me.)
http://www.barry.fireflyinternet.co.uk/JackSchitt/Jack_Schit.htm

Finally, here is a mail thats about the differences between a dog's diary, and a cats. (Thank you to my bestest Canadian Hun Danaé for sending me this.)

=========================================

As seen in a dog's diary:

7 am - Oh boy! A walk! My favorite!
8 am - Oh boy! Dog food! My favorite!
9 am - Oh boy! The kids! My favorite!
Noon - Oh boy! The yard! My favorite!
2 pm - Oh boy! A car ride! My favorite!
3 pm - Oh boy! The kids! My favorite!
4 pm - Oh boy! Playing ball! My favorite!
6 pm - Oh boy! Welcome home Mom! My favorite!
7 pm - Oh boy! Welcome home Dad! My favorite!
8 pm - Oh boy! Dog food! My favorite!
9 pm - Oh boy! Tummy rubs on the couch! My favorite!
11 pm - Oh boy! Sleeping in my people's bed! My favorite!

As seen in a cat's diary:

Day 183 of my captivity... My captors continued to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while I am forced to eat dry cereal. The only thing that keeps me going is the hope of escape, and the mild satisfaction I get from clawing the furniture.

Tomorrow I may eat another house plant. Today my attempt to kill my captors by weaving around their feet while they were walking almost succeeded - must try this at the top of the stairs. In an attempt to disgust and repulse these vile oppressors, I once again induced myself to vomit on their favorite chair - must try this on their bed.

Decapitated a mouse and brought them the headless body in an attempt to make them aware of what I am capable of, and to try to strike fear in their hearts. They only cooed and condescended about what a good little cat I was. Hmmm, not working according to plan...There was some sort of gathering of their accomplices.

I was placed in solitary throughout the event. However, I could hear the noise and smell the food. More important, I overheard that my confinement was due to my powers of inducing "allergies." Must learn what this is and how to use it to my advantage.

I am convinced the other captives are flunkies and maybe snitches. The dog is routinely released and seems more than happy to return.

He is obviously a half-wit. The bird, on the other hand, has got to be an informant and speaks with them regularly. I am certain he reports my every move. Due to his current placement in the metal room, his safety is assured.

But I can wait, it is only a matter of time..my Time.....The Cat

=========================================

*signs off this journal entry with the smug satisfaction that you are chuckling*.

Until next time....

Jason.
Pain: 6/10 (peak: 9/10)
Depression: 7/10