Diary of a Life with Chronic Pain v2.01

Pain wise, things are the same as theyve always been. The daily achy throb is there, all day, every day, as usual. However fortunately breakthrough pain hasnt been quite so bad this last week, which has meant Ive been able to concentrate more on ignoring the daily ache, and actually able to get out of the house a bit. I've not been far though, just around town with the folks, or with Emma, or over to her house, or going to the supermarket for some food etc. Im hoping to go to the theatre on Friday coming, fingers crossed. I had to cancel last time, so i dont want to have to do that again. Its a local theatre as well this time so thats good, it means that I'd have to be feeling really really bad to not be able to go. Which is always possible, but im trying to keep positive.

Depression side of things have had their ups and their downs. On the whole its average. I would be lying out of my ears if i said things were still as bad in my mind as they were at the time of the last post. They arent. Ive been trying to focus on being more positive and day dreaming of throttling every consulatant I have when my appointments come around.

Speaking of Appointments, June is gonna be a cruddy month. I see FIVE different departments in June, and the dentist too for a filling. Joy rapture. Before all that though I see my GP on Monday coming. In the afternoon. Hope shes in a good mood cos Im going to be dumping a whole load of problems on her doorstep. Im even hoping that she can do the impossible and get my pain appt brought forwards. But we shall see.

The ostomy website has once again proved what a total pain in the arse the thing can be. Apparently theres journal entries flying around between some of the regulars that the chat room is now full of net-sex and support has been abandoned with newbies being ignored and clique's being formed. I shouldnt get so personally offended by comments like that when its aimed at a general area of the community but after sweating blood and tears over that site for well over 8 years now, its hard not to be hugely offended by it. especially considering that it is regulars who are saying these things. People who I have helped personally get through the bad parts of their ostomy related matters - be it themselves or family members - and to be honest the main reason I did decide to renew the site this year instead of letting it die when the hosts shut down the fucntionality of the boards etc, was so that the regulars could still hang out together. And then this is said. Ironically some of the people involved in the comments are some of the worst offenders of the "sex" related stuff in the chat room over the months, although much less so lately.

I do admit that certain aspects of the chat room that were installed for "fun" have been used and the major cause for concern lately is the !sex trigger. Ironically the trigger was disabled a couple of days before the comments were made. So, if i agree in part with what is said, what am I so angry about it? Well, it was said in public instead of in private with me when I couldve done something about it, or in private with another op. Its the equivilent of having a complaint with yer burger at McDonalds, and instead of taking it back for the problem to be rectified you take it to the papers and make it public. not very fair, especially when they know how much work goes into that site and its features, esp the chat room.

The fact of the matter is that there is always going to be idiots who spoil the atmosphere for everyone else. If someone has a problem with that they should either /ignore the offender, or contact an op and make their feelings known (its not as if Ive EVER discouraged people from contacting the ops over any concern or worry they may have). Either way, a chat room is an evolving beast, especially one that is suport based and aimed at a certain situation in someones life. So you always see the names and personality of a room change every few months regardless.

Anyways, I could care less about it all. I left the site a couple weeks ago for a break, and this has just refueled what was my waning desire to not go back. if I had to make a decision today, I would not go back. Ive done my bit. Let them sort it out amongst themselves a bit and see how they cope then.

As it happens Ive been working on a new Website this week, another support based one, but one that Im not going to be involved with at all other than the tech side if something needs fixing or adding etc. My friend Emma who I mentioned earlier has been wanting to set up a site for M.E. support as it is a condition close to her heart seein as shes suffered horrifically bad with it in at least the last ten years. So, as a surprise for her birthday coming in July I made a site up for her. It is very similar to the pain site I did in respects that its powered by a content management system (PHP-Nuke) so that users can add their own content - journels and such like - and more importantly Emma can add her own content to the main parts of the website without ANY HTML skills required whatsoever.

I finished the site this week. It only took three weeks. I'd left 2 months to do it, seein as how bad things had been lately healthwise, but the last week or semi-manageable pain problems has meant I got to spend more time on it than I envisioned, and so got it finished much quicker. I also think that getting to spend so long creating a site just for the fun of it rather than for the running of it, really helped the depression stay at bay. Although the depression has dropped back down again after the journal-back-stabbings I was told about yesterday.

Anyways, seeing as the site was finished and the space all paid up for it didnt really make sense to waste six weeks website hosting fees by waiting until July to give her the site, so I gave her it day before yesterday. She cried, bless her. Thats the only time I will forgive myself for making a friend cry.

So, watch this space for announcement of the site going live later this year, once all the content is written and final plans set into action for it. You have been WARNED!

Speaking of friends, my other friend (god that sounds sad doesnt it...) Andrew, has been put on treatment for high blood pressure. Its been really high lately, especially high for a 32 year old, so hopefully the medication will help it to lower. I know it certainly helped my Mum when she had to start taking it, and he's had the same first day reactions to the meds that mum had, so fingers crossed it will all be grand for him later in the year.

My folks are OK. Lucy is OK.

The summer blockbuster season is now upon us at the Cinema. Theres a fair few films Im looking forward to seein this summer, although Im not in any rush to see them as Im skint. Cant afford a cinema ticket for two, not that ive spent up all my cash on webspace and stuff, what with the ostomyland site being an unexpected expense, and then the birthday present space. :s The birthday space cost over £60 for the year. The two year deal was better value but of course cost more, and I had no idea if the site would be ultimately wanted or not, as it was a bit of a gamble.

Anyways ive gone off topic. Films I'd like to see are, Xmen 3, Poseiden, Superman Returns (for Kevin Spacey as LL, hilarious), DaVinci Code (of course, got to see that for the hype alone) and also I want to see Casino royale, although its not out til November.

Anyone who knows me will tell you that I was really against Daniel Craig as the new Bond. Especially after that fiasco of a launch they did for him on th eboat, which was more Health and safety than 007. BUT, having seen the trailer for the film now, its looking bloody good. Much more meaner and moodier than recent films, and he looks the part. It focuses on him as he is promoted to double-0 status, with M saying "I knew it was too soon to promote you to 00. You are going to have to leave your arogance behind you now". etc etc. looks really good. Check out the trailer if you can.

Wonder if they have the testicle torture scene in the film thats in the book.... :D lol.

Im back to playing World of Warcraft a little bit. ive started a new character now to compliment my maxed out Level 60 Human Alliance warlock. Im now focussed on a Level 15 Undead Horde Mage. The alliance are the good guys. The Horde the bad guys, so Im seeing the game from a different angle now, and although its the same physics, the same interface, and design and map etc, Im getting to explore previously hostile areas as friendly areas and so getting lots of new quests that I've not had to do before, and Im also getting to explore some areas that were simply just too hostile for me to go into as an Alliance character. Its also opening up a few horde-only dungeons, which will be a new experience too.

Roll on Xmas 06 when the expansion pack comes out. The level cap is raied to 70 so ill be back to sorting out my warlock again, and trying to earn myself a flying mount to replace my little horse. Poor Old Swan Vesta, he doesnt know it, but Ive got a glue factory all organised for him. But actually as a flaming demonic horse from hell, he might not stick around long enough to get to the glue factory... stick around... geddit! OK, I admit it, that entire sentence was made up just so i could make that gag.

And on that note I am going to go and rest up again. My butt is starting to ache more from sitting on this chair for so long.

Bye for now people.

Jason.
Pain: 4/10
Depression: 6/10