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September 25, 2005
An emotional and stressful morning
This wont be a very long entry. I havent got the energy to type it all out. Instead Im going to copy and paste a conversation I had with one of my friends this morning which explains what has happened today to make it so stressful and emotional, and what Im considering doing with the aid of my folks, just why I cant face making a long entry today.
The name of my friend has been removed, as I've not asked their permission to post this conversation and theres marginal editing for claritys sake.
Click on continue to start reading the conversation log.
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[12:00] « My Friend » u any better?
[12:00] « jason|brb » been a bad morning
[12:00] « My Friend » awww I'm sorry
[12:00] « My Friend » i was concerned when u went
[12:00] « jason|brb » got into a row with my mum
[12:00] « My Friend » ackkkkkk
[12:01] « My Friend » just what u didn't need
[12:01] « jason|brb » was my fault, not hers
[12:01] « My Friend » oh right, i see
[12:01] « jason|brb » went downstairs to throw outsome magazines after the row
[12:01] « jason|brb » came back in and lost it
[12:01] « My Friend » ohhhhh
[12:01] « jason|brb » told them about the pros and cons list
[12:02] « jason|brb » told them exactly how i felt
[12:02] « jason|brb » inbetween sobbing that is
[12:02] « My Friend » yeah :(
[12:02] « My Friend » you were right to tell them tho
[12:02] « jason|brb » never seen my dad so upset or crying before
[12:03] « jason|brb » he hugged me so tight
[12:03] « My Friend » awww bless him
[12:03] « My Friend » well that just shows u how much u mean to them
[12:03] « My Friend » and how much he loves u
[12:03] « jason|brb » was an emotional hour or so
[12:03] « jason|brb » for all
[12:04] « My Friend » yeah it would be
[12:04] « My Friend » but I'm so glad u told them
[12:05] « jason|brb » im thinking over whether to leave the site or not
[12:05] « jason|brb » with my folks
[12:05] « My Friend » think carefully
[12:05] « jason|brb » if i did i wouldnt kill it
[12:05] « jason|brb » just walk away and take a back seat
[12:06] « My Friend » you have to decide whats best for you
[12:06] « My Friend » and whetehr the plusses outweigh the minuses
[12:06] « jason|brb » yes
[12:07] « My Friend » I know it causes u stress
[12:07] « My Friend » but it's also a "place of work" for u
[12:07] « jason|brb » its causing more than ever now because i mstarting to get affected by other ppls stories, i cant wal away from them like i used to.
[12:07] « jason|brb » but also when people do improve its nice to see it but its hurting me more and more each time because I just cant help myself.
[12:07] « My Friend » thats because you're feeling so depressed yourself
[12:08] « My Friend » yeah i understand
[12:08] « jason|brb » i can help people ill never meet or hear from again, but i cant help myself for the sake of my family.
[12:08] « My Friend » you need to decide if what you get out of it is worth it
[12:09] « jason|brb » yes
[12:09] « My Friend » think about how you feel when you're completely offline
[12:09] « My Friend » do you feel better then?
[12:09] « jason|brb » no.
[12:09] « jason|brb » but by leaving the site i dont mean going offline
[12:09] « jason|brb » i mean just leaving the site
[12:09] « My Friend » yes i undertsand
[12:10] « My Friend » I'm not trying to tell u what to do btw
[12:10] « My Friend » just giving u some food for thought
[12:10] « jason|brb » yes
[12:11] « My Friend » I'm trying to say that i do understand
[12:12] « My Friend » have you thought about developing another site....not health related?
[12:12] « My Friend » i know you've the games one u told me about
[12:13] « jason|brb » this is the only site i have now
[12:13] « jason|brb » am no longer involved with any others.
[12:14] « My Friend » ah ok
[12:14] « jason|brb » had to hand them over when i was offline for so long
[12:14] « My Friend » everyone here has a problem of some sorts
[12:14] « My Friend » I see
[12:14] « My Friend » if u developed another area that wasn't health related u wouldn't be hearing about problems all the time
[12:15] « jason|brb » true. but i really dont have the energy or desire to start from scratch on a new project
[12:16] « My Friend » I know, it's hard going
[12:16] « My Friend » what do you feel like doing, right now?
[12:17] « jason|brb » falling in love, gettin laid, winning the lottery and running off somewhere nicer than here
[12:17] « jason|brb » failing that, just running away from it
[12:18] « My Friend » okay, fair enough.....
[12:18] « My Friend » :)
[12:19] « jason|brb » just been told lunch in 5
[12:19] « My Friend » ok :)
[12:19] « jason|brb » so i should get going.
Posted by Jason at September 25, 2005 01:43 PM
Readers Thoughts
Jason,
you and I have had a chat about this, the list. I do hope that things are better for you in that aspect. I also want you to know , you are cared about, and though we may never meet, you are one of the most awesome people I have had the pleasure of encountering in my life. Thank you. Keep your chin up and there are many of us who are here for you buddy, just holler at me.
LeeAnn
love and snoogies
Posted by: Jason at October 3, 2005 05:12 AM